Magic Relationship Ratio

Magic Relationship Ratio

The brain is programmed by its entire evolutionary history to give more weight to “war” or, in other words, negativity. This is called the bias of negativity.

We are all bearers of this bias. For all, but not with the same intensity, evil is stronger than good equivalent. You will suffer more if you lose 100 USD than happiness if you will find 100 USD on the street.

How does this apply in relationships?

John Gottman discovered the famous 5: 1 ratio. It’s like this:
If you have issued a critical comment to your girlfriend, five positive comments are needed to restore the balance!

The report is valid for both sexes. A bouquet of flowers does not help. Evil is stronger. An compliment does not cancel out a criticism. Nor two. Not even three. The human mind is not always logical!

The moment you criticized her, even in the conditions of a justified and constructive criticism, she lost a little self-esteem. People don’t want to lose anything! They hate this. They have an aversion to loss. So, if you want to keep the relationship in the previous parameters, you have to praise her. Five times!

Isn’t it simple?

Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). Gottman couple therapy. In A. S. Gurman, J. L. Lebow, & D. K. Snyder (Eds.), Clinical handbook of couple therapy (p. 129–157). The Guilford Press.

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