Can people change by being engaged in a couple relationship? Isn’t it an illusion? Is personal change really one of the chances of transformation offered by the couple’s experience?
People can change their lives for the better. When they start a relationship in their youth, their identities are not fully formed. Benign abilities, qualities, aptitudes or positive attributes are still blocked by all kinds of fears and inhibitions, by internalized neurotic conditioning and norms, especially in the families of origin.
In a couple relationship, people have a huge chance to understand what is really important to them, what matters and what is “blow in the wind”. And it changes, of course! Not easy, not simple, not all at once. It’s just that it’s not always the way your partner wants it to be.
And how is this change? Can it be positive if it does not represent a substantial improvement, an “evolution”? People do not get better in a happy couple relationship! They do not put their clothes in the closet if by their nature they are more negligent. Don’t give up aligning the cards if they have obsessive inclinations. Do not start skiing if prefers inexpensive sports. They do not sleep in a tent if their idea of comfort implies the obligatory presence of a shower. Do not wash the cup of tea immediately if it could remain in the sink for a few hours. They don’t do these things, no matter how much their partners want them.
So where is that damn change? What is exceptional about a happy couple relationship?
Here’s how people engaged in a happy couple relationship can change, and sometimes even change:
People do not become someone else. They become, deeper and deeper, themselves. And they like that. Very much!